It's only day 4 of the New Year and the 'diet failure' mentality is setting in.. Emotional eating has always been an issue for me (bet you never knew that)! Then using the birth of my kids as another excuse... then the New Year! When I sit in my office and stare a the words on the screen they turn into dancing Big Mac's , and french fries.. Problems.. I know! I've posted the cover of this week's People magazine on my wall to stay motivated and away from that d*** fridge! Well off to a late luch (and I am starving..) Stay tuned to see how it goes.. 194 and counting!

                              PAST                                PRESENT

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The past is gone!                                                           Jan. 11.2011

My cell phone rang at 11:30 am on May 1, 2009 and Erika was on the other end. She said' hey T.. I don't think I will make it for lunch by noon I'm still on the Turnpike but I will be there this afternoon." I responded, " awww.. ok well drive safe and I'll see you later."  At approximately, 12:30 pm Erika's car was found in a canal upside down on the side of the turnpike.. shortly after she was pronounced dead. I was notified of this tragedy by postings on Facebook stating that people were sorry for my loss.. I wondered- did she die alone, was she texting, is this for real?? It was.. and the ONLY person in this world who knew every detail about my life (good and bad) for the past 30 years- was in fact gone. I have no one to pick up the phone to say, " remember when we cut school, or when we snuck out to that party, or when you introduced me to my husband."  I realized that my past was gone! It's still a fresh wound.. but I have learned that in the short amount of time that she graced us with her presence she managed to find her biological family, introduce me to my husband, live her dream of being a DJ on the radio, and truly live each day in the now. I now have to keep all of these memories to myself.. and hope that she can hear me when I speak.

Dedicated Resting Spot                    My Sister, my friend, my past

 Read more about her: Erika Roman

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40 Minutes of HELL!!!                                                                       Jan.18.2011

The evening was starting out just fine (so I thought). I picked up Princess Elise from my mom's, sang songs, played games, gave her a bath AND fed her. Sounds like I did everything right, right? WRONG! Princess Elise suddenly turned into a little person that I did not recognize. She started hitting me, throwing toys, pushing and kicking the dog, and throwing herself on the floor. I asked myself, "what just happened between 7:00 and 7:15?" The answer, absolutely NOTHING! I decided THIS was the time to go full force with timeout! The rule is to sit her in timeout for 2 minutes (her age), ask for an apology, then get back to having fun. WELL, after walking back to timeout 25 times, I finally decided to corner her and politely ask (YES ASK.. can you believe I have to ask MY child??) for her to say sorry.. She said, "No!" then swung her hand in the air and started screaming.. I sat there on the ground with her and told myself (in my head) YOU WILL NOT WIN THIS ONE! Low and behold after 40 minutes, I asked one last time for an apology, and she responded with the ugliest sorry she could muster, " I said SORRY!!!"  And I could've said, "say it nicer".. but c'mon- I was tired. And…the moral of the story is in the end I WON. Mommy - 1/ Princess Elise- 0

Don't let the cuteness fool you!

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Thanks for calling HIM over Erika!                                                                    Jan.25.2011

It was Memorial Day weekend 2001 on South Beach in the heart of Miami. Me and my girls are sitting down at the Clevelander on Ocean Drive having a great time over some drinks. In walks this handsome guy with braids (yep – Carl had braids). When I saw him, I whispered to Erika, “ I think I know that guy.” She said, “Yeah, ok. Let’s see!” She motioned for him to come to our table and of course I was freaking out! He said, “ Hello ladies”.. and YES we all melted! We chatted, flirted, and exchanged numbers.. I knew in my mind that HE would be the one that I would be with for the rest of my life (sounds corny right?).. All of my friends laughed and said, “Girl please, you just met him!” But, this is the first time I have EVER looked at a man and said (with my inside voice).. He could be the father of my kids (didn’t even want kids)! Two kids and ten years later- we’re still standing! Thanks for calling him over Erika!

         Memorial Day 2001                                         Two kids & Ten years later

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Go back to bed!                                                            Jan.31.2011

I felt a slow drip down my inner thigh. I rushed to the bathroom and thought maybe my water just broke! Hmmm.. Shouldn’t it feel like a giant water balloon being dropped onto the floor? NOT! I quickly woke Carl up and said, “I think my water broke!” He replied, “You probably went to the bathroom on yourself because of the pressure of the baby- go back to bed and get some rest.” Like an idiot, I went back to bed. About two minutes later, a sharp knife –like pain shot up my back! I screamed, shook Carl and said, “GET UP! I’M IN LABOR!” He woke up and said, “Ok, what do you need me to do?” (Typical male response, right).. I said, “Grab the bags and let’s go!” Three hours later, I finally went back to bed BUT with a beautiful baby boy by my side! MEN!

My first born- Elijah

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GO GET IT!!                                                                                                          Feb.8.2011

 I am not sure why I waited a year longer to take away the pacifier from my darling diva- Elise.. but I did! When Elijah was 2 , I threw his out of the window while driving... and that was that. It's going on Day 3 and it's been HELL. Screaming in the middle of the night, demanding that I 'Go Get It!' and completely ripping her room apart.  This detox is tough but much needed! Why do we set different standards for boys and girls? Why didn't I follow the same rules for her? I've learned a valuable lesson- NO MORE DOUBLE STANDARDS! They will both be treated the same:-) 

My Animals (in my loving voice)

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Ever Wonder?                                                                    Mar.1.11

Do you ever wonder what you would be doing in life IF you didn’t have kids? Ok.. those of you that answered no.. CLEARLY are lying J  There’s nothing wrong with thinking about it. We all know that we love our kids unconditionally and cherish how they have enhanced our lives! But.. I do ponder the thought (at times) where I would be if I didn’t have my kids or waited longer in life to have them. Here’s my list:

·        Attending the Royal Wedding festivities in London

·        Living in some expensive city in a studio apartment for $6000.00 per month (lol)

·        Taking way more financial risks and making more investments

·        Taking 3 vacations a year (at least 3 weeks in total)

·        Going to happy hour’s at least 3x a week

·        Driving some sexy two-seater (paying thousands of dollars to park it)

·        Eating out 5 nights a week

·        Hitting the gym twice a day

·        Reading several books a month

·        NEVER cooking for the holidays(lol)

·        Sleeping in

It’s  acceptable to wonder what life would be like ‘if’ certain factors or circumstances were different or did not exist. I love my life, I love my family, and I love to wonder ‘at times’ if I didn’t follow God’s plan, how it would have all turned out. Don’t you?